Should I or shouldnt I

I'm at a point in my life in which the situation I'm in reminds me of the famous poem by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken". I have two choices right now, I can either take the one less traveled and go big or go home. Which the end result can be be great and make all the difference. My life would be made and I would be very content and a happy man. But until I succeed I will be bet against by virtually everyone and everything. Or I can take the more Popular road and just forget about it, put my feelings aside and base all my actions upon societal correct decisions. Again in the long run I can be content and find what I want but I will be spending a lot of my time asking my self "what if ?". As they say big risk equals big reward, but along with that comes the key word being "risk". It would be a huge risk that could back fire in my face and change what is already working. Also everything is going great right now I enjoy where I'm at, but I want more. There is another saying often used in football jargon, "Don't fix what isn't broke". So I have much thinking ahead of me, but I feel as if time is running low and I need to act fast before it is too late. Also as the great Forest Gump would say "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get." I couldn't agree more with that saying! You can't control what happens, you can can put your self in a position to direct your destiny in the way that you want but it never quite goes how you want it to. One cant control feelings or emotions, the past, present or future. So as I sit here and try to direct my self in the position for success, I can only hope everything I want falls into place.

A Confused Baby???

"You used to be a little fat ball of butter and you were always around me or your father, I can just see you in Maui running around in the grass falling down laughing; cracking up and then after he kidnapped you, you lost your happiness your big blue eyes were full of sadness and your once bright smile that lit up the room died"
Imagine being told that from your mother when you could first comprehend the meaning of divorce. I was two and half years old when my father kidnapped from a family vacation in Hawaii on the island of Maui. But till this day my mothers side of the family is clueless of why he did this. Although I have a hunch that it was to save my life as well as my mothers. I'll have to get into that story on another blog. But being 4 years old going through numerous psych evaluations, to see how "messed up" or "traumatized" I was, was not my ideal thoughts of a child hood. But then again I thought that was normal until I was old enough to realize that not having your parents together wasn't normal. Before I was about 11 years old I had done at least 4 ink blot tests, Color matching formation puzzles, and word problems to see how my mind worked. Though I guess that I had so many counseling sessions because my mom was making such a big deal that my "flame" had gone. But I can't lie I have seen it for myself. In my baby films of me at my dads house with my parents together. I was happy running around my back yard with the sprinklers going then tripping on the hose and I was still laughing. Then others After my parents split up Im moping around and scared out of my mind. When I'm with my mom I'm clinging to her with a death grip as if we were surrounded by a war. It's real heartbreaking stuff. But at the end of the day I have had a great life and Im very fortunate.
until next time....