A Confused Baby???

"You used to be a little fat ball of butter and you were always around me or your father, I can just see you in Maui running around in the grass falling down laughing; cracking up and then after he kidnapped you, you lost your happiness your big blue eyes were full of sadness and your once bright smile that lit up the room died"
Imagine being told that from your mother when you could first comprehend the meaning of divorce. I was two and half years old when my father kidnapped from a family vacation in Hawaii on the island of Maui. But till this day my mothers side of the family is clueless of why he did this. Although I have a hunch that it was to save my life as well as my mothers. I'll have to get into that story on another blog. But being 4 years old going through numerous psych evaluations, to see how "messed up" or "traumatized" I was, was not my ideal thoughts of a child hood. But then again I thought that was normal until I was old enough to realize that not having your parents together wasn't normal. Before I was about 11 years old I had done at least 4 ink blot tests, Color matching formation puzzles, and word problems to see how my mind worked. Though I guess that I had so many counseling sessions because my mom was making such a big deal that my "flame" had gone. But I can't lie I have seen it for myself. In my baby films of me at my dads house with my parents together. I was happy running around my back yard with the sprinklers going then tripping on the hose and I was still laughing. Then others After my parents split up Im moping around and scared out of my mind. When I'm with my mom I'm clinging to her with a death grip as if we were surrounded by a war. It's real heartbreaking stuff. But at the end of the day I have had a great life and Im very fortunate.
until next time....